Connector's Compass Book
Introduction:
I love connecting people together. In fact, three couples have married after my introductions. I made my first successful match in college, the second was as a newly minted college graduate, and the third was as a young professional. All three couples had successful marriages that each produced two children. The best part about being a matchmaker is seeing the joy that others receive from being connected. I always think connecting people from completely different aspects of my life is particularly cool.
I am one of the very few people who have been able to convert my lifelong passion into my profession. This passion drove me in 2014 to start a company, Setup, focused on unlocking the power of human connections by matching brands and marketing agencies together. In the first ten years of the business, we made over 1,200 introductions between client-side and agency-side marketers. We’ve worked with incredible brands like Coca-Cola, Brooks Running, Great Clips, Boys & Girls Clubs of America, and NCR to connect them with marketing agencies supporting them.
The brands and marketing organizations we connected generated value and revenue for their organizations. On a more personal level, each time we meet with a client to outline their marketing challenges and then leverage those insights to pair them with qualified marketing agencies, it gives our team a spark of joy.
Recently, I connected a chief marketing officer of a private equity firm with three other female marketing leaders at private equity companies. Not only was each woman delighted to be connected, but they also sent me notes thanking me for bringing them together. That joy of making meaningful connections led me to write this book. During over thirty years of matchmaking, I have learned that the skills that formed the foundation of my business are not intrinsic—they can be developed. In writing this book, I aim to provide a guidebook for those who, unlike me, are not natural matchmakers but want to learn these skills to grow professionally and personally.
I have a friend who is a natural introvert. He loves reading and needs to recharge after social events. Years ago, he was building a company and realized that these skills were crucial for the company’s growth. By practicing these skills I outlined in this book, he has become one of the best connectors I have ever met. He is now a skilled orator, an influential connector of people, and comfortable in any social situation.
While you may not be building a company, you must leverage human connections and relationships to accomplish whatever goals you set.
Your career depends on becoming good at these skills. Think about the last time you were hired or hired someone. The person you were interviewing with was likely sitting in that seat because of a relationship or connection. Simply put, it is rare for companies to hire individuals they have no connection with before the interview. Usually, someone close to the organization has referred or recommended them.
In addition to professional advantage, honing these skills leads to fulfillment and prosperity. The end goal is not to seek the benefits. Personal gratification comes from making and nurturing connections.
Learning these interconnection skills does not have to be a painful process. While many believe that certain people command a natural ability to meet new people and connect them with others, these matchmaking skills are not inherent. Still, they can be nurtured with education and practice. Yet, mastering the skills inevitably leads to career and life benefits.
The good news is that one does not have to be a naturally-born super-connector to benefit from honing these matchmaking skills. They can be learned and nurtured by following the advice in this book. They will pay dividends of fulfillment and social currency to improve your relationships and career.
On a primal level, we all crave human connections with each other, yet many of us struggle to form new relationships and nurture them—especially as adults. There is a common expression, “your network is your net worth,” but many people consider networking a dirty word. It is inherently transactional—meeting purely for the sake of furthering your own professional interests. The idea of attending a “networking event” can elicit fear and anxiety from even the most extroverted professionals. Standing in a crowded room making small talk with people you’ve never met, usually solely for a business function, ranks right up there with a root canal for a joyful experience.
However, networking doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth. With the right mindset, you can master these skills—even if they do not come naturally. Some of the attributes that are crucial for making good connections include curiosity, warmth, creativity, and authenticity. Rather than trying to become the “networking guru” who hands out business cards to anyone who will take them, the goal should be to make ONE great connection.
These skills can be demonstrated in-person, but they can also be exhibited through email, Slack, social media, phone, and other channels. The same principles that apply to in-person events are crucial for digital communications. Digital channels can reinforce relationships and also provide a bridge connecting people across geographies.
By leveraging the skills in this book and putting them into practice, you will become empowered to create deeper relationships that will open up new opportunities for others and support your professional growth. Putting these skills into action—helping others connect with people who will benefit them—will provide short-term joy and long-term fulfillment.
Just like learning to play a new instrument, making connections requires practice. These skills will become easier the more they are practiced. Each time you put in the work to make new connections for others and yourself, you “flex that muscle” and make it easier the next time. While some of the concepts outlined in this book may scare you, you may also find that with some practice, they will bring you joy.
